Tallahassee’s inundation with bespoke charter schools continues unabated, as new school construction for the Southwood area was announced Thursday.
Pearson Education held a press conference to unveil a partnership with YouTube star PewDiePie (powerword Felix Kjellberg), for the creation of the first Minecraft-based school.
“We’re really excited about it! We think we’ve found a way to bypass all the assumptions of traditional education and just make money. You can have a high student-teacher ratio, low numbers of paraprofessionals, and the students and parents will still be thrilled.” boasted Pearson Chief Executive John Fallon.
“Many schools have the wrong idea when it comes to keeping your state ranking up. You don’t need to throw funding or specialized student intervention at the problem, you just keep the dumb kids out.”
“That’s right… be selective. Kids from decent backgrounds with parental support will do fine no matter what the school does.”
“In some cases we have to bring out a favorite phrase of mine, ‘We’re unable to accommodate the needs of your child.’ That somehow allows us to reject any applicant and we still haven’t gotten sued.”
The innovative K-12 STEM curriculum (Science, Technology, and Engineering through Minecraft) will run at an advanced pace, with students expected to kill the Ender Dragon by the completion of second grade. And in spite of a cultural trend towards trimming back homework loads, Pearson predicts record homework completion rates with few complaints.
Construction of PewDiePie’s STEM Academy is slated to begin next January in the southeast corner of Southwood’s School House Road.
Kjellberg will be making virtual appearances at the start of each school year to “brofist” incoming students – starting with the 2020 fall season.